I just want to have a life again. Is that too much to ask? I am SO tired... physically, emotionally, and spiritually crappy. I'm not who I once was and I will never be that person again. I just want to know who I WILL be... when I am done with all of this. I am constantly burdened by school, work, a messy house, etc. When will it end? My life is a vicious cycle of running from someplace to get someplace else. I wish I could just be happy where I am, but I'm full of "I wants"...
- I want to graduate.
- I want my house to be clean and spotless.
- I want a REAL HOUSE instead of this trailer I try everyday to make myself like.
- I want a baby when it's time, but I want it to be time now.
- I want to be in shape, but can't find time or motivation to exercise.
- I want to be a nice person, but can never seem to please anyone.
- I want to go to med school, but how in the world am I going to do that, and will it make me more miserable?
Oh, I could go farther with my list, but it's depressing me.
Jesus, come quickly, and get me out of here. This world is not my home.
Lord, from this self-diagnosis, deliver me.
The bk of Psalms has always lifted me (I just thought of my enemies in the place of David's, & my enemies were not people but illness, death, fear, school, weariness...) Also,1 Samuel 17 when David faced Goliath, "The Lord Who delivered me out of the paw of the lion & out of the paw of the bear, He will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine." Then David goes & defeats the Philistine army. Consider your trials as Philistines. Then read how God uplifted Elijah in 1 Kings 19. Love you.
ReplyDeleteTry not to be so hard on yourself. If we are all honest about it you would know that we all have been where you are and may be there another day. This is one of the seasons of life that you have to remind yourself of the truths.... #1 You were created by God with a purpose,He may be the only one who knows what it is right now, but who better to be in control of your life.#2 You are loved by others especially God, even though you may not feel it. #3 God never changes, we do. #4 God never leaves us, we look/walk away. #5 Continue on the path you are on until God clearly takes you somewhere else. #6 Satan is very tricky, be on guard. #7 taking time(even if it is seconds) to sit and listen/talk to God. #8 Keep something spiritual ie, posters, printed scriptures,magazines, books, music in every room +/or car so that when you really don't want anything to do with God you don't have a choice because it is all ways in site. #9 Do not skip church, God will reach out to you even if you don't think you deserve it.#10 Share your struggles with someone that has been there.
ReplyDeleteLove you, Lisa Vassar