What am I doing?

Well, it's New Year's Eve. Not only is it the last day of 2009, it's my last night on 4 Round Wing, where I have been since March... my very first nursing job. It's a bittersweet night, and the cold that I know is lurking outside is creeping in and out of my heart as I think about what I am doing to myself.

I am comfortable here on 4 Round Wing. Giving meds, sitting around, playing on facebook, etc. If anyone started to die around here I would basically freak out. On January 6th I will start a new job in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit (SICU). The SICU will be freakishly hard I think, but I will learn more than I ever thought I could learn... or at least I hope I will. I also hope I won't hate it. I will feel completely out of my comfort zone, but it will be good.

Sometimes I wonder why I cannot allow myself to be comfortable.
Am I happy here? Absolutely.
Did I enjoy my life immensely while I was not in school? You bet.
I am leaving? Yes.
Am I back in school? Yes, for the next 3 years.

What am I doing?

It seems to me that anytime I am enjoying life I feel forced to change it. Is this God's plan for me? I don't know. Do I think it is? Yes, kinda. Not really sure. I want to do what He wants for me, but sometimes I just wish that I could sit back and allow myself to relax, instead of always being the most stressed-out person I know.

Happy last day of the year... here I come, 2010... year of uncertainty and being uncomfortable.

Lord, into this world of the unknown, otherwise know as my future, deliver me.